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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member Kate21/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 1 Year
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status:

offline
- in Disneyland Saturday and Sunday


OC design contest:

making sure all entries have been collected.

3 headshots for DestinyNoel

: 1/3

60HP for SageFacility

: 14.5/60


- FINISH owed stuff to DestinyNoel
- More for SageFacility

dream tokotas: tundra curly (alternatively, a cream tundra full mane with no other genes) female named Buffy, brown/agouti female named Willow, and a dire built male named Giles!

the babes

Team Pack Leader by TahkiBK

October Breeding Openings:
Tara: 2/3 Used
Cluny: 2/5 Used
Norskenn: 2/3 Used
Jarle: 1/5 Used

Note: Kala is sterilized. Landroval, Gwaihir, Dawn, and Tara (pending 2 unused slots) are in the process of being sterilized.

Males
Faolan 79 by TotemSpirit Jarle 234 by TotemSpirit Cluny 266 by TotemSpirit Keelut 225 by TotemSpirit Kerchak 491 by TotemSpirit Landroval 667 by TotemSpirit Gwaihir 668 by TotemSpirit


Females
Norrsken 282 by TotemSpirit Skata 425 by TotemSpirit Kala 459 by TotemSpirit Dawn 469 by TotemSpirit Tara F91 by TotemSpirit

Unused Slots: 1 Alaska/Eren litter, 1 (pending payment) from Reagan/Tempest Reach

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gonna be offline most of saturday and sunday! 

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6 deviants said going to disneyland!

vent.

Thu Oct 16, 2014, 12:53 AM
warning: semi-graphic mentions of child molestation/rape and PTSD.


Sometimes I wonder about the roots of my "sexuality".
No behavior or behavior tendency is completely nature or completely nurture, so exactly what part of my nurture produced a tendency to like other females?
Sometimes I think it's because I was molested - raped, abused, whatever term you prefer - when I was in kindergarten.
People think, when I say I was molested, it had to have been a man.
"Oh, that's why she likes girls, a man hurt her."
Nope. Vanessa. Her name was Vanessa.
Did being abused by a fellow female cause me to prefer females to males?
Sometimes I don't see how that makes any sense, sometimes it makes perfect sense.

It also makes me doubt what I feel about people, particularly people - girls - I fall in love with. Is it genuine? Sometimes I fear my motives, I'm terrified I'll become the person who hurt me. The terror of the thought of being sexually aggressive keeps me unwilling to even speak. I don't know how to explain that.

I had a flashback for the first time in a long time today. It wasn't a bad one, wasn't even from when I was younger and all that crap happened. It was from my freshman year of high school, when I spoke in front of the entire school and for the first time admitted to being molested. It was a flashback of what happened after that speech - two teachers of mine approached me and told me that they had been sexually abused and assaulted before, and even in their age, had never been able to reveal it to anyone.

Flashbacks fascinate me. They vary for all PTSD sufferers. Mine are dominantly visual. Do you ever move your head so fast that your vision gets dark, blackness flooding in from the outside in? That's what my flashbacks are, mainly. It's like a movie that you can't look away from, it covers everything else I see. If I try to look past the flashback, everything else is blurry. That's not to mention the sounds, the feelings, even the smell. It's all there, in this tiny moment. I can experience hours of perceptions and sensations and memories in five minutes, and it's all there. It used to take me over, or take me back, more accurately. Everything in the present would disappear, and I'd be 6 again locked in the bathroom with this woman.

I don't really have them anymore, my last major one was last year. It helps to be semi-in love, no matter how pathetic that endeavor might be. I'm not even depressed right now. I'm so happy. My only anxiety is that when this job is gone, this person will be gone. But maybe that's a good thing, because I'm afraid I'm the woman that hurt me and if I am that woman, I'll hurt someone.

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:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Professional Writer
Thanks for watching!
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:iconsimulacrumnightmare:
SimulacrumNightmare Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've moved! Can you please go watch my new account? New art will be uploaded there!

This is my new account: SimulacrumLupa

Thank you.
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:iconnojjesz:
Nojjesz Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the watch! ^^ :hug:
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:iconislua:
Islua Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch! :D
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:iconkumotogi:
Kumotogi Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy real birthday bud~:iconbrohugplz:
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:iconthe-deadly-wrath:
The-Deadly-Wrath Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Happy (late) Birthday by the way!
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:iconwingedwolfalari:
WingedWolfAlari Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch!
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:iconspottedhorse567:
spottedhorse567 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Jarle rite of the Hunt by spottedhorse567  
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:iconspottedhorse567:
spottedhorse567 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Jarle Belenus rite of fortitude by spottedhorse567  numba two
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:iconspottedhorse567:
spottedhorse567 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Student Digital Artist
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